St. Ignatius of Antioch
Letter to Polycarp, 5:1[1]
Flee from base practices, but preach more against them: Speak to my sisters that they love the Lord, and be content with their husbands in body and in soul. In like manner, exhort my brothers in the name of Jesus Christ to love their wives as the Lord loved the Church. If anyone is able to remain continent, to the honour of the flesh of the Lord, let him so remain without boasting. If he boast about it, he is lost; and if he be more esteemed than the bishop, he is ruined. It is proper for men and women who wish to marry to be united with the consent of the bishop, so that their marriage will be acceptable to the Lord, and not entered upon for the sake of lust. Let all things be done for the honour of God.
Athenagoras of Athens
Legatio, 33[2]
Therefore, having the hope of eternal life, we despise the things of this life, even to the pleasures of the soul, each of us reckoning her his wife whom he has married according to the laws laid down by us, and that only for the purpose of having children.
Clement of Alexandria,
The Stromata[3]
And one is not really shown to be a man in the choice of a single life; but he surpasses men, who, without pleasure or pain, has disciplined himself by marriage, by the begetting of children, and by care for the household; who, in his solicitude for the household, has been inseparable from God’s love; and who has withstood every temptation arising through children and wife or through domestics and possessions. He, however, who is without a family, for the most part, escapes temptation. Caring, then, for himself alone, he is surpassed by one who is inferior to him in what pertains to his own salvation, but is superior to him in conduct of life.
Who are the two or three who begin by gathering together in the names of Christ, and in whose midst is the Lord? Are not the three man, wife, and child, since a wife is joined to a man by God?
If, however, marriage, though commanded by the Law, were yet sinful – really, I do not see how anyone could say that he knows God and yet say that sin has been commanded by God. If the Law is sacred, then marriage is a holy estate.
Clement of Alexandria
The Stromata. Chapter 20. A Good Wife[4]
The woman who, with propriety, loves her husband, Euripides describes, while admonishing,—
That when her husband says anything,
She ought to regard him as speaking well if she say nothing;
And if she will say anything, to do her endeavour to gratify her husband.
And again he subjoins the like:—
And that the wife should sweetly look sad with her husband,
Should anything evil befall him,
And have in common a share of sorrow and joy.
Then, describing her as gentle and kind even in misfortunes, he adds:—
And I, when you are ill, will, sharing your sickness bear it;
And I will bear my share in your misfortunes.
And:—
Nothing is bitter to me,
For with friends one ought to be happy,
For what else is friendship but this?
The marriage, then, that is consummated according to the word, is sanctified, if the union be under subjection to God, and be conducted with a true heart, in full assurance of faith, having hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and the body washed with pure water, and holding the confession of hope; for He is faithful that promised. And the happiness of marriage ought never to be estimated either by wealth or beauty, but by virtue.
Beauty, says the tragedy,—
Helps no wife with her husband;
But virtue has helped many; for every good wife
Who is attached to her husband knows how to practice sobriety.
Then, as giving admonitions, he says:—
First, then, this is incumbent on her who is endowed with mind,
That even if her husband be ugly, he must appear good-looking;
For it is for the mind, not the eye, to judge.
And so forth.
For with perfect propriety Scripture has said that woman is given by God as an help to man. It is evident, then, in my opinion, that she will charge herself with remedying, by good sense and persuasion, each of the annoyances that originate with her husband in domestic economy. And if he do not yield, then she will endeavour, as far as possible for human nature, to lead a sinless life; whether it be necessary to die, in accordance with reason, or to live; considering that God is her helper and associate in such a course of conduct, her true defender and Saviour both for the present and for the future; making Him the leader and guide of all her actions, reckoning sobriety and righteousness her work, and making the favour of God her end. Gracefully, therefore, the apostle says in the Epistle to Titus, that the elder women should be of godly behaviour, should not be slanderers, not enslaved to much wine; that they should counsel the young women to be lovers of their husbands, lovers of their children, discreet, chaste, housekeepers, good, subject to their own husbands; that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5) But rather, he says, Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: looking diligently, lest there be any fornicator or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel surrendered his birth-right; and lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled. (Hebrews 13:14-16) And then, as putting the finishing stroke to the question about marriage, he adds: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4) And one aim and one end, as far as regards perfection, being demonstrated to belong to the man and the woman, Peter in his Epistle says, Though now for a season, if need be, you are in heaviness through manifold temptations; that the trial of your faith, being much more precious than that of gold which perishes, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise, and honour, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ; whom, having not seen, you love; in whom, though now you see Him not, yet believing, you rejoice with joy unspeakable, and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:6-9) Wherefore also Paul rejoices for Christ’s sake that he was in labours, more abundantly, in stripes above measure, in deaths oft. (2 Corinthians 11:23)
Tertullian
De Monogamia, 4[5]
In forbidding marriage the Paraclete introduces no novelty: he defines what he has hinted at, he makes demands which he has hitherto forborne. If you think over these matters you will easily reach the conclusion that since the Paraclete could have forbidden marriage altogether, much more has he the right to proclaim against remarriage, and that it is the more credible that he should have restrained what he might properly have abolished. You will realize this is you can understand what Christ wishes. In this matter you ought to recognize that Paraclete as your ‘advocate,’ in that he excuses your weakness the necessity for complete continence… We have proved this point, that the discipline of monogamy is nothing new nor a thing imported into Christianity, but rather an ancient and characteristic discipline of Christians; so that you might regard the Paraclete as a restorer than an innovator.
Tertullian
De Monogamia, 11[6]
Grant, now, that you marry in the Lord, in accordance with the law and the apostle— if, notwithstanding, you care even about this— with what face do you request (the solemnizing of) a matrimony which is unlawful to those of whom you request it; of a monogamist bishop, of presbyters and deacons bound by the same solemn engagement, of widows whose Order you have in your own person refused? And they, plainly, will give husbands and wives as they would morsels of bread; for this is their rendering of To everyone who asks you, you shall give! And they will join you together in a virgin church, the one betrothed of the one Christ! And you will pray for your husbands, the new and the old.
Tertullian
To My Wife, 2,8,4[7]
Shall a faithful Christian women be ashamed to marry one of the faithful because he has not much goods, when she would be enriched for the future by a husband who is poor? … Should she hesitate and investigate and speculate repeatedly whether he will be suitable to receive her dowry, when God has entrusted him with His own property? How shall we suffice for the telling of that happiness of that marriage which the Church arranges, which the sacrifice strengthens, on which the blessing sets a seal, which the angels proclaim, and which has the Father’s approval?
Tertullian
To My Wife, 8
How shall we ever be able adequately to describe the happiness of that marriage which the Church arranges, the Sacrifice strengthens, upon which the blessing sets a seal, at which angels are present as witnesses, and to which the Father gives his consent? For not even on earth do children marry properly and legally without their father’ permission.
How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice. They are as brother and sister, both servants of the same Master. Nothing divides them, either in flesh or in spirit. They are, in very truth, ‘two in one flesh’; and where there is but one flesh there so also but one spirit. They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God’s church and partake of God’s Banquet; side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations …. They need not be furtive about making the Sign of the Cross, nor timorous in greeting the brethren, nor silent in asking a blessing of God ….
Basil the Great
Letter 188[8]
The Lord’s statement that married persons may not leave their spouses except on account of immorality should, according to logic, apply equally to both men and women. However, the custom is different, and women are treated with greater severity.
John Chrysostom
Homily on 1 Timothy, 9[9]
Garlands are wont to be worn on the heads of bridegrooms, as a symbol of victory, betokening that they approach the marriage bed unconquered by pleasure.
Cyril of Jerusalem
Catechetical Lectures (4:25,26)[10]
- Nor again, on the other hand, in maintaining your chastity be thou puffed up against those who walk in the humbler path of matrimony. For as the Apostle says, Let marriage be had in honour among all, and let the bed be undefiled. (Hebrews 13:4) Thou too who retainest your chastity, were you not begotten of those who had married? Because you have a possession of gold, do not on that account reprobate the silver. But let those also be of good cheer, who being married use marriage lawfully; who make a marriage according to God’s ordinance, and not of wantonness for the sake of unbounded license; who recognise seasons of abstinence, that they may give themselves unto prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5); who in our assemblies bring clean bodies as well as clean garments into the Church; who have entered upon matrimony for the procreation of children, but not for indulgence.
- Let those also who marry but once not reprobate those who have consented to a second marriage : for though continence is a noble and admirable thing, yet it is also permissible to enter upon a second marriage, that the weak may not fall into fornication.
Origen
Commentaries on Matthew[11]
Certainly it is God who joins two in one, so that when He marries a woman to a man, there are no longer two. And since it is God who joins them, there is in this joining a grace for those who are joined by God. Paul knew this, and he said that just as holy celibacy was a grace, so also was marriage according to the Word of God a grace. He says, “I would that all men were like myself; but each has his own grace from God, one in this way, another in that.”
St Theodoret of Antioch, Bishop of Cyprus[12]
If marriage was evil, God would not have made laws concerning it from the beginning, nor would He have called being fruitful with children a blessing. He so confirmed the law of marriage that by another law He forbids the action of a man who wants to dissolve his marriage apart from fornication.
Palladius
Lausiac History, 8
Being unable to resist the pressure of his uncle, he thought it best to be crowned and take his seat in the nuptial chamber and undergo all the marriage rites. When all (the guests) were gone out, after settling the pair to sleep on the couch in the bridal chamber, Amoun gets up and locks the door, then he sits down and calls his blessed companion to him and says to her: “Come here, lady, and then I will explain the matter to you. The marriage which we have contracted has no special virtue. Let us then do well by sleeping in future each of us separately, that we may please God by keeping our virginity intact.”
Footnotes
[1] JURGENS, 26.
[2] www.earlychristianwritings.com/text/athenagoras-plea.html (accessed February 9, 2016).
[3] Walter Jurgens = [JURGENS], The Faith of our Early Fathers, Volume One (Liturgical Press: Collegeville, MN, 1970), 185, 182, 182.
[4] www.newadvent.org/fathers/02104.htm (accessed February 9, 2016).
[5] Henry Bettenson (ed., trans.) = [BETTENSON], The Early Christian Fathers. A Selection from the Writings of the Fathers from St. Clement of Rome to St, Athanasius (Oxford:NewYork, 1956), 133.
[6] www.newadvent.org/fathers/0406.htm (accessed February 9, 2016).
[7] JURGENS, 133
[8] George Grube = [GRUBE], What the Church Fathers Say About… Volumes 1 and 2 (Light and Life: Minneapolis, 2005), 220.
[9] www.newadvent.org/fathers/230609.htm (accessed February 9, 2016)
[10] www.newadvent.org/fathers/310104.htm (accessed February 9, 2016).
[11] JURGENS, 211
[12] GRUBE, 222.